Don't Fall Asleep on Me
by lemonhead-alliance
Summary: Parodies outrageous original charactersMary Sues and angsty fics. :3
1. FOWARD AND BACKWARD Preamble

_WELLWELLWELL. Don't start reading this if you're looking for a good old read. It's humor. But in the way that a drama is so bad it's funny. You know? So read it for a good old laugh. Kinda parodies on Mary Sue fics, etc. Well. We think it's funny, anyway. FIVE MINUTES ARRGGHH.  
  
IT'S YUGIOH. Oh yeah, how cool. Written by three troubled girls... Rebecca, Jenny, and Arie. We pulled and allnighter man. We just sat up since like, five in the morning writing this, taking turns. Much fun. :0  
We made the characters up in like five seconds and yes, we meant for them to be messed up? It's satire, baby. Here's a bit of background on them, though... (The stuff in parenthesis underneath their names is the actual meaning of the name. We think?):  
  
Ayame Isuzu - Rebecca's - Green  
(Iris Carcompany/50bells)  
She is 16 years old. She cuts herself and has long black hair and glowing red eyes. She has a yami with blond hair and glowing orange eyes. She has a pet raven named Slaughter.... who her yami calls Chloe. She likes to eat raw meat (with soy sauce) and she likes to eat wasabi plain. Mmmm bleeding nostrils. She has a sercret stalker-type crush on Yami Bakura and she is constantly doing mean things to Ryou in order to draw out his yami. I LOVE POCKY!  
  
Dai Ichigo - Arie's - Blue  
(Great Strawberry)  
She is 16 years old. She has strawberry blond hair and sparkly amber eyes. She's Kaiba's sexretary... I mean, secretary. And uhhh yeah. She drives a bright green vespa with neon rims. BLAH BLAh. I am the typo monster. Yes, neon rims. How lovely  
  
Satu Tamae - Jenny's (Who doesn't even watch Yugioh lalala) - Red  
(Sugar Ball)  
Perky, perky, perky, perky, perky cheerleader-type persona. Um...she's very perky. She has pink hair and brown eyes. She is also 16. _

_Oh yeah, and we use like, the original Japanese names AND the dub names. Wow okay. And yes, some parts are cliche-o-riffic. AND THE TENSES ARE FUCKED UP. Deal with it, me hearties.  
  
SO ENJOY..._

**Don't Fall Asleep On Me.  
**The Cherry Blossom That Would Not Die

_...And just remember that it's the Sprite Remix talking. Not us. _


	2. THIS SCHOOL WAS MADE FOR LOVING Chapter ...

**Disclamer:** I don't own yugioh or do I hahahaha I own your soul suckers111111111111111111111111111

The first day of school was a gloomy morning. As the doors of Domino High School opened, Ayame Isuzu and Dai Ichigo sighed.  
"Oh, I hate this place..." Ayame turned to Dai with a sour look.  
"Mmhm." Dai didn't even look up. She was busy with a palm pilot.  
"Heeyyy you're awfully verbal today... usually you just kinda nod."  
"...Mmhm." She still doesn't look up... in fact, she angles herself away from Ayame at this point, still poking at buttons on her palm pilot. A bright bit of pink appears in the crowd, before Ayame, and there's a faint squealing noise accompanying it, raising in volume as the pink draws nearer.  
"AYAAAAAAMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEeEEeeEe...!"  
"Oh... umm..." Ayame's glowing red eyes searched for an escape. Dai had walked off to greet a black limo which had pulled up in front of the school, and gotten in. ...Library! She ducked down a narrower hallway and ran as fast as her big clompy boots would allow her to. She looked over her shoulder, and to her horror, could see two bright pink pigtails weeding their way through the crowd in the previous hallway. ("AYAAMEEEEEeee....?") Library...now. She wouldn't follow me there... Ayame turned the corner. Empty except for... Oh my, change of plans! She changed her course slightly and prepared for impact with the white-haired, fair boy walking in the opposite direction. Three...Two...One! Bang! Ryou Bakura's books went flying, and he fell backwards with Ayame on top of him.  
"Oh...dear! Are you alright?" Ryou struggled under Ayame's weight, trying to get up. She immediately and promptly stood up, having regrets for pulling that stupid stunt already. The girl dusted herself off and mumbled a half-hearted apology, not even bothering to help poor Ryou with his books.  
  
"AYAAAAAMMMEEEEEEE!" The pink-haired girl, Satu Tamae, rounded the corner, a Crest Whitening Strip smile stretched across her face. "'YAMMEEEEEEEEEAYAMEAYAMEAYEMEMEMEMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeee!" She paused momentarily and looked down at Ryou Bakura, stooping to pick up one of his books for him. When she looked back up, Ayame was nowhere to be seen... with a shrug, she turned and started her walk back to the main hallway.  
  
Seto Kaiba scowled as Dai Ichigo opened to door to his limo and came in.  
"You're late," he said, checking his imported Rolex. She bowed while sitting down.  
"So sorry, Kaiba-sama, sir! Porcupines held me up."  
The millionaire squinted. "Did you say 'porcupines?'" She nodded.  
"...with screwdrivers!" added Dai, "They were everywhere."  
Kaiba grinned, "Sounds pretty kinky to me. Oh, I always knew you got hot like that." He grabbed her hand.  
She giggled, "Oh!! Kaiba-sama!" He took a long whiff of her fragranced hair.  
"You use Herbal Essences?"  
"Indeed," she exclaimed, "How did you know?"  
"Ah, my dear secretary. Haven't you figured out that I know everything?" In reality, Kaiba Corp. had long since taken over the Herbal Essences productions.  
"Show me some things you know, master..."  
"Oh, I love it when you call me that."  
Kaiba's security guard, Johnson, tapped on the foggy window.  
"Um, Mr. Kaiba? Are you alright in there?"  
"Just five more minutes, Johnson...five more minutes..."  
  
It was now time for class, and Ayame met Satu at the door. "Where's Dai?" Ayame asked.  
"Oooo . . . I don't know.... I saw her earlier," Satu replied.  
"Oh, ok, well.... Dai is not someone who usually misses class. She must be doing something very interesting."  
(Pause for laughter hahaha.)  
All of the students get into their seats and the bell rings. Exactly five minutes later, Dai walks in. Her skin is glowing. A smile was permanently stuck on her face. She glides to her seat.  
"Hey, where were you, Dai?" Ayame asked.  
"Ohhh I love bagel bites!!"  
"What? Are you ok? What have you been up to? You don't seem like a trouble maker."  
"Well.... It was very important" Dai explains.  
"More important than Japanese History?!?"  
"Much, much, MUCH more important!! OooOooh!! You have no idea!"  
  
Just then, Sensei Lopezaki turned to face the class. She had been scribbling on the whiteboard for a while, after having taken attendance. She did not acknowledge Dai's lateness. "WELL class! You all look happy to be here!" The classroom is silent. Crickets would have chirruped, but it was daytime. Sensei Lopezaki made a face. "At least you're all honest, I suppose..." The classroom door creaks as it opens, and a familiar white-haired boy edges into the room.  
"I... umm... Gomen nasai... I'm sorry I'm late..."  
Sensei Lopezaki nods at the boy and he takes a seat. She continues with her "HI WELCOME TO SCHOOL THIS IS THE STUFF YOU NEED TO BUY OR ELSE I'LL FAIL YOU HAHAHA," speech.  
"Oh boy. She's not really the sweetest peach on the tree, is she?" Satu leaned over to mumble to Ayame.  
"Yeah."  
A razor-sharp glare zipped over their way, courtesy of Sensei Lopezaki. Satu and Ayame looked down at their laps. Sensei opened her mouth to say something further, but was cut off by the bell. Both girls let out a deep breath in unison as they grabbed their books and got out of the room as quickly as they could.  
  
Lunch time; everyone's favorite time of day! The students filed outside to eat their home-made lunches in the sun...or to go to the sushi bar. Ah yes, the sushi bar was a popular hangout for Domino students.  
Kaiba went over to his secretary, Dai Ichigo. "You want to catch up on some 'work' at the sushi bar?" he asked.  
She smiled, "I'd love to!"  
They walked off towards to sushi bar, soon to be joined by several other students. Among those students were Ayame Isuzu, Satu Tamae, and Ryou Bakura.  
Ayame glanced at the little white-haired kid, "Hey, Satu-san. Um, I'll catch up with you later, okay?"  
Satu replied, "Uh, sure! Whatever you say, Ayame-kun!" She skipped off towards the bar.  
"Hey, Ryou-kun!" Ayame called as she ran to catch up with him.  
The boy, who slightly resembled an albino—but in a cute way—looked back at her. "Hey, Ayame-san. May I help you with something?"  
"Ummmm, yeah, uh, Ryouuuu-kun, um..." she fumbled for words, "Yu- you...um..." She pushed him backwards, and the innocent boy fell to the ground in surprise.  
Ryou whimpered, holding his right hand which was bleeding slightly. "A- Ayame...?"  
"Um, sorry! I mean, no! I'm not sorry. I'm glad I did that to you!" She leered down at him, hoping that her true love would come.  
The bishie slowly stood, but soon fell down again, "Ahh, my ankle!" He tried to stifle the tears of pain that fell down his cheeks. "T- The pain...I c- can't go on..."  
At that moment, a light shimmered from a golden ring around Ryou's neck that no-one had previously noticed.  
"No—not the d- dark one!"  
  
Meanwhile, at the sushi bar . . .  
Kaiba, Dai and Satu sat around an intimately small table. Kaiba held Dai's hand as they looked at the menu. Kaiba smiled and looked into her eyes. Suddenly, Satu exclaims, "Hey guys!! What do you want for lunch?!? I'm soooo hungry!"  
It was an awkward moment. What to do with little Satu? That bitch has to go! How could Kaiba put this politely? He turned to Satu and said, "Well . . . Satu . . . I fucked your friend this morning, and I'd like to spend some time with her if you don't mind."  
Satu looks blankly. She starts to giggle," Hehehehe...he...he..... HUH?!?"  
This delayed reaction overcomes Satu, and the couple stands up and walks away.  
Satu is left sitting alone at the table, while Kaiba and Dai have a wonderful sushi lunch. They sat at the table across the room and began to feed each other food . . . how cute! Kaiba's finger lingers in her mouth. They both smile.  
"Shouldn't we be getting back to class?" she asked.  
"Well... I suppose... but...."  
She interrupts, "Well it's the first day of school.... You gotta' make a good impression."  
". . . As you like it . . . "  
They pay their bill and walk out holding hands.  
  
Bell ring!  
As everyone filed into the class, it was apparent that two people were missing – Ryou Bakura and Ayame Isuzu. Kaiba sat behind Dai in the back corner of the classroom, while Satu sat a cautious distance away from them. Sensei Lopezaki scanned the classroom and made the appropriate changes in her gradebook.  
  
"...You.... No one harms Ryou except for me..." Yami Bakura narrowed his eyes at the girl standing over him. This triggered a rather concerned look from her.  
"I—it was to lure you out..." Ayame looked away, allowing her long black hair to fall in front of her face. Bakura stood and grabbed her wrist, squeezing it tightly. Ayame gasped, feeling a substantial amount of pain...  
"If you want me.... You'll. have. to. deal. with. this." The intensity of the pain increased with each of his words. Ayame started to sob, her knees suddenly feeling very weak beneath her. She crippled; fell like a little doll to the sidewalk, but was caught in Bakura's rough arms before she touched the ground.  
"I want—" Tears were in Ayame's eyes now. This was wrong. It was a bad idea.  
"It's too... LATE." Bakura cut in with a twisted grin; he tightened his grip, obviously enjoying this.  
"Please--!"  
"Quiet." Bakura narrowed his eyes yet again, and another smile found its way onto his features. "You can't go back now. You want me. I'll take you."

As Sensei Lopezaki finished attendance for the second time that day, two delinquents entered the class that weren't there in the morning. A tall boy with blonde hair put his late-pass on Sensei's desk, followed by another boy with pointy brown hair. They took their seats.  
Sensei Lopezaki peered over the rim of her glasses. "Mr. Wheeler and Mr. Hiroto, I'll see you two after class."  
The blondie spoke out, "But we 'ad late passes!" He had a thick Brooklyn accent.  
Sensei shuffled the papers on her desk and continued to hand out equipment.  
"Man, this blows," moaned the pointy-haired Honda Hiroto. His friend Joey Wheeler nodded and put his feet up on the desk in front of him.  
"Today's lesson will be science. I'll write your partners on the board, please pair up as assigned."  
Dai, unfortunately, was not partners with her boss—Joey was. The Brooklynite turned to Kaiba, saying, "Hey, we've got chemistry together."  
Kaiba twitched. "WHAT?!"  
Joey was taken aback. "Y'know...we're doin' the science project t'getha."  
"Oh, um, yes, of course..."  
They set up their microscope and Petri dishes. Joey got safety goggles for them to wear.  
(Remember kids: safety first!)  
They were examining e-coli bacterium when a loud crash was heard from across the room.  
Satu had dropped her Petri dish. Her science partner, Dai, screamed and ran to the other side of the room.  
Sensei put on gloves and went over to their work station. "Don't worry everyone, this will be under control in just a moment—OH MY RA! Those weren't the safe e-coli I thought they were. They appear to be the dangerous, mutating, super e-coli that pose a threat to all life of earth."  
A huge, collective gasp emitted from the class.  
"But don't worry!" Sensei Lopezaki continued, "If we all remain calm, we can exit the class in an orderly—"  
"I MUST SAVE THE WORLD...orrrr well, THE CLASSROOM!" A heroic voice called from the doorway. Was it? Oh yes! It was Yami Yugi! A mad stampede of students ran for the door, crushing Yugi beneath them. It was total chaos.  
  
By the time Satu came to her senses, it was 11:00 pm and the sushi bar was ready to close. "Excuse me, Miss," the waitress said, "We're getting ready to close the bar. I'm sorry, but you'll have to leave."  
All Satu could do was cry. She was being rejected for the second time in one day. What's a girl to do? How else does a girl become accepted besides becoming a whore? Luckily, since it was late at night, all of the whore-ish clothing shops we're open, giving Satu a perfect opportunity to get that "loose look".  
The next day at school, Satu walks into CappaCappaChino wearing her fishnets, her new boots, and her leather skirt. Heads turned when she entered the room. This was soon followed by pointing and laughter.  
One girl states, "Oh my goodness, what does she think she's doing??"  
Satu walks up the first hot guy she sees, wraps her arms around him and kisses him.  
"That WHORE!!" the girl remarks.  
Satu is now very confused. What could she do to gain acceptance? At this point, life was sucking more than the whore that she's not.  
  
Bakura finally let Ayame go, leaving her gasping for air. The night had been like non-stop torture for the girl... but that's what she had wanted. That's what she had asked for. Stumbling slightly, completely exhausted, the sun had risen already and it would be time for school... But school? Who needs that right now? She needed somewhere that she could just sit around and... think. A small coffeeshop on the corner... CappaCappaChino? Sounds good enough.  
Ayame walks in, still rearranging her clothing. She looks around, eyes somewhat puffy and feeling fresh bruising forming. The girl takes a seat in the back. It's dimly lit, and from the front of the shop the only part of her to be seen is her pale white skin and ever-glowing red eyes.  
  
School was canceled the next day, due to the e-coli incident. Most of the students decided to spend their day in the local coffeeshop, CappaCappaChino. Kaiba waited at the entrance to the shop for his secretary. He carried his briefcase and wore his gravity-defying trench coat, eh. Dai drove up on her bright green Vespa with neon rims. She pulled off her helmet, her strawberry blonde hair streaming in the wind. Kaiba grinned.  
"I didn't know you rode," he said.  
She smiled coyly, "Care to take a test drive?"  
Kaiba put on the extra helmet (again: safety is of utmost importance) and sat in the front. Dai straddled behind him, holding tightly onto his waist. Seto started the engine and the two of them zoomed around the block.  
Ayame was stirring a small cup of coffee that had long since gone cold. Satu pulled a seat over to her table. Ayame rubbed her eyes and looked at the younger girl again.  
"MY RA! What are you wearing?!"  
Satu pulled down her leather skirt where it was showing too much. "Oh, this? It's a new style I'm trying out. You like?"  
Ayame placed her cup back on the table. "It's certainly different."  
As Ayame was about to pull her hand back, Satu grabbed it. "Ayame-san! What happened to your arm?!"  
Ayame quickly took her hand back, retreating into the darkness. "It- it's nothing..."  
"You should really have that looked at," said Satu, as she left the table to make her rounds for guys.  
As soon as their conversation ended, Kaiba and Dai came back from their...ride. They appeared quite tired, and—of course—the ride had lasted no more than five minutes.  
  
**_TO BE CONTINUED...._**  
(We know you're all so excited...)


End file.
